My paintings react to the absurd, playful and existential aspects of the human condition. I observe the unshakable loneliness and isolation of human existence and examine human instinct by focusing on the unique relationships my subjects share with the animal within. These investigations help me document the results of human interactions, internal struggles and the powerful influence we have on our social landscape. It is my belief that we choose to fight, ignore, give in to, or become one with, the animal within. My subjects are often isolated in composition and aggressively rendered to confront the viewer with an interpretation unique to the beholder’s own secluded life experience. I question how we relate to and form systems of belief, which ultimately fabricate our illusions of self. Philosopher Martin Heidegger described human existence as a process of perpetually falling. He notes that it is the responsibility of each individual to catch themselves from their own uncertainty. I relate this unsettling prognosis to our life-long struggle with our animal within. Studying human instinct, I describe existence as a process of taming our metaphysical bite, augmenting Heidegger’s idea of the perpetual fall with the equally unsettling motif of the caged animal. In the painting series, described below, I paint my subjects in motionless compositions suggesting the ubiquity of our incarcerated emptiness. I believe it is the eternal cages we are born within that set the boundaries of our condition and create the illusion of freedom. They Bite Because They Are Alive Like a caged animal or a starving newborn, sometimes we bite to feel human, to nurture ourselves, to protect, or in an uncontrollable craze. As a painter, my bite is released in my aggressive and textural marks. As a mother and observer, I often paint witnessed moments and react to interpretative narratives of my children. There is no better subject than the child, as his or her animal and cage are in primal maturity, transparent yet intrinsically developing. I became one with my animal within while painting my children and relatives in these states of primal transparency. My series They Bite Because They Are Alive speaks to these observations. These paintings seek out details in the patterns and cycles of empirical and theoretical life experiences. The images are ominous reminders of our own vulnerability. Deer Diary Anthropomorphizing taxidermy helps me visually describe the duality of the cage like mask of the human experience in its primal maturity, transparent yet intrinsically developing. Like an animal head mounted and hung on a wall, my images are ominous reminders of our own vulnerability. Notes on Sleep Marks in relation to Deer Diary: The mother in me frequently battles the artist in me, which has become a personal labor. Studio time usual comes after one of the many nights of internal conflict: I should have kissed them good night, read them another book, relaxed with them, been more patient, hugged them after school, answered their questions differently, paid more attention to them…I leave my studio only to find them already involved with their dream life. I stand in the doorway like a deer in headlights and yet an involuntary smile helps disguise and comfort my maternal regret--there is nothing like a sleeping child. I avoid collision. I’ll be an artist tonight and a mother tomorrow. The silent roars of “existence meeting motherhood” have been hard to deny. The “jocular macabre” within all my work reveals the primal qualities of the human condition and the absurd, precarious relationship formed with our animal instinct. AWOACA AWOACA (A Woman Of A Certain Age), is my most recent painting series. This series takes me outside my own domesticated habitat of observation. My subjects are women over the age of 65. They sit for me nude while I listen and record their life experiences and stories. I use color and texture to compose them with slight elongations or deformities that relate to their tone and narrative. Once complete, I plan to exhibit the paintings with these recorded voices overlapping as an audio installation. Perhaps my own fear, uncertainty and/or expectations of inevitably aging in America’s pitifully image-obsessed culture lead me in this direction. Though confirming my theories within the framework of the human condition, the animal within, and the cages we inhabit, this series has already posed new questions relating to age, time and gender issues, forcing me to question my own intentions. These women claim that their animal ceases to claw at their every thought. Does time release us from our cages? Could life experience be the ultimate animal tamer or do we just become masters of disguise? Why doesn’t the richness of the female experience, age and time beautify America’s media-derived sense of “ugly”? These paintings now aim to capture the unappreciated beauty in what society has deemed “ugly.”