Impression of Nirvana

The painting, Impression of Nirvana, isn't meant to be an accurate depiction of the religious concept but rather the impression I had of said concept when I first heard about it. I always have had a quiet longing for death, or perhaps more accurately, for non existence; a feeling shaped by the personal weight I experience constantly while interacting with the rest of reality, with what is not me: a heterogeneous mass locked in a constant conflict, represented by the portal formed from a multitude of different parts that, despite forming a single structure, struggle and suffer to affirm their own identity. A portal that encompasses all that is, and yet one I feel rejected by, perhaps because of my own self loathing. I often find solace from this dread by thinking about becoming one with the rest, and therefore, nothing on my own, violently yet passively stripping myself of my thoughts and identity alike, until I can finally cross that black mirror in which I hope to find nothing, if not the absence of myself and everything that is not me.